User Profile

I basically live in the world of a hopeless romantic. Even when I try to be cynical and realistic, I get caught up in the idea of love and peace. I try to be the person that I want to be but I'm not really good at it. I try to embrace my culture but the closer I get, the more I want to run away. I want so badly for everything to turn out right but the older I get, the more that seems to be an impossible thing. I want to fall in love and not be forced into it. The problem with that is that I can't find a guy that I don't get tongue-tied around. Another problem with that is that I can't date or even admit that I'm attracted to someone. I abide by the rules on the surface and it would kill me if anyone found out how I actually break all of them once I'm in my world. I love my family but sometimes I feel like being with them shows my incapabilities and faults and I don't like to hang around them so much. That kills me. I also love people who are honest and genuine. I don't think I could ever be that way. I'm trying too hard to fit in. If you're nice to me, I could fall in love with you. If you're mean to me, it'll keep me up at nights wondering, "Why me?" I cry a lot but never in front of someone. I think a lot but never out loud. I dream a lot but never follow through. I feel like I'm pretty average sometimes but most of the time I'm afraid that I'm not because I try too hard to act average and normal. I can give you a hundred excuses of why I did something but it's all bull. Don't buy it. I rarely tell anyone the truth face to face. I'm holding on to the true me for someone who cares enough to see through my act. I'm praying that he is out there. This is just supposed to be for me. I'm coming clean, leaving behind all the excuses that I've created, and just finding out if, beneath all the lies I created, there is someone worth knowing. CREDIT FOR THE AMAZING LAYOUT GOES TO community.livejournal.com/premade_ljs thanks so much

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